I think I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Januarys.
I am ALL about the ‘New Year, New Me’ thing. I mean, I know it gets a load of stick and the majority of people who hear it will start banging their head against the nearest wall. But really, what’s so bad about it? If ‘New Year, New Me” is the reason that someone now has motivation that previously didn’t, what’s so wrong with that? If someone who’s had a bit of a rubbish 2018, or even an average 2018, wants to use the ‘NYNM’ thing as a fresh start and to maybe give them a kick up the arse, why should anyone have a problem with that? The whole ‘fresh start’ thing is the one reason I love January: taking down the Christmas decorations, giving your home a deep clean, getting a new diary and filling it with people’s birthdays, future work (fingers crossed) etc. Even having the motivation to drink more water during the day or going to that extra gym class a week, I. Frigging. Love. It.
Unfortunately, I’ve spent the first three weeks of 2019 in bed with the flu; so the “drinking more water, exercising a bit more” plan has gone to pot. And you may think “Well, you’ve been in bed for three weeks, I bet you’ve got loads organised and sorted out”…
…Naaah
I have spent three weeks, in bed, eating all the biscuits, watching Netflix and feeling sorry for myself, with the odd vomit session or hallucination thrown in here and there. I am officially in a January funk.
Yes Netflix, I am always still watching.
One of the reasons for this funk is that I find that January is normally the time that I do a life/career check-in. And most of the time, I’m not digging what I find. It involves a lot of criticism, comparing myself to other people, anxiety and just needless negativity. So ultimately, I’ve spent the past three weeks feeling like a failure. And that’s just rubbish. I’ve asked this question so many times, but these past couple of weeks have really made me think…
…What the frig is success?
The minute someone hears you are an actor you can guarantee the first thing they ask is “Ooooh, what will I have seen you in?” followed by, “You should get a job on Emmerdale.” I think that for people who aren’t in the industry, if you’re not performing in the West End or on TV, then you are not deemed a successful actor and that is both not true, and crap that it’s the case.
Now I’m totally aware of this, but it doesn’t stop me feeling like I am not successful. That I have to big-up every job that I do, or make it sound ‘better’ than it is (whatever the hell that means). And that really is crappy because by doing that, I’m then disregarding my work and I work really frigging hard for it. And if I don’t have myself on my side, then how the hell can I expect everyone else to be? I am an actor, living in London, and managing to more or less work consistently (touch wood) and that alone is just bloody great!
Success is so subjective. Everybody’s version of success is different. I have some friends whom I would consider incredibly successful and yet, they don’t think they are. Does anyone actually ever feel successful? Like they’ve made it, they have reached ‘success’? I completely get that some people will almost not let themselves feel this way because they never want to stop pushing themselves and by saying they are, they might somehow lose their drive. But surely there’s got to be a balance, right?
If you imagine your best possible life at one end, (regular actor on a BBC or ITV drama/no money worries/all the puppies) then your worst possible life at the other, (no family/no friends/no career/allergic to puppies) and then see where you stand on that scale right now. It’s most likely that you’re actually waaaay closer to your best possible life than your worst. So really, we’re not doing that bad.
We should give ourselves more credit.
Go us!!!
